E-Track

I’ve never lived in a big city. Small and moderate yes. But not the clustered fantastic intricate cities with subways and rich layers of buildings stacked sideways. I’ve always been fascinated with getting around part of it. The subway in particular.  To get where you want to go, you have to decide which channel you want to take and where you need to get off. The fact that they are underground is even more interesting. Hidden below the scattered hustle and bustle up top is a swiftly moving, directional, organized system of people delivery. 

It is a channel, a circuit with waypoints and purpose.

The subway cars are filled with different people, going different places, for different reasons, but the cars deliver all the same. The doors open to let people in, then open again, to let them out. No judgment, just part of the function.

When you compare the top-side of the city with people either stuck in traffic running through it or minimally following the directional signals, making it to your desired destination becomes more of a daily miracle.  I’m not making the stand against free-will driving. Really this isn’t about driving, public transit, or even free will. This is amount systems. 

Our world is made of them. Some of them work, some are redundant and some are simple and serve a simple purpose. If you fall into the belief that our perceptual world mimics our internal world, then the same efficient systems that keep our world going are also running our internal systems. And when I say “simple” in regards to our external systems or internal systems, I don’t mean I could explain in detail how either one of these systems works, what I mean by this, is they are pure and straightforward, and efficient. 

I didn’t start off my day writing about systems or subways for that matter, to be honest, I was writing about resentment. What I was experiencing and trying to make sense of it. I try my best to practice positive affirmations and reflections and for the most part, they served as a good daily meditation. Although these beginning “good vibes” are great, they are not a replacement for acknowledging the deeper emotions you may have welling and will often only give you a shallow field that’s easy to dissipate.

It only takes one thought to plant a seed of emotion. This works for both positive and negative. The difference is, negative emotions are heavier. We need them both. They are both a part of our internal system that works to keeps us safe and provided for. Swearing off negative emotions as the enemy of a fulfilled life is not the answer. These “negative emotions” are some of the clearest most honest guides. 

For example: Resentment. You feel it. You don’t like it and you want it to go away. But why is it there? Most likely it is something that you, haven’t fulfilled within yourself. It doesn’t go away and will loop again in another life scenario until is acknowledged and processed. Although unpleasant, resentment has a big voice and it cares about you. What are you not saying or doing? How are you representing yourself? What are you holding on to? This feeling is doing its best to let you know that what you need to do to feel whole. 

This is where my subway analogy comes in - Our emotional systems are not unlike a subway system. Working beneath the surface to deliver emotions on a pre-determined circuit. This system our,  “emotional subway” doesn’t care about why the emotion is there; it’s just going to run the track. It has no judgment as to whether the emotion is valid, it’s just an emotion and is doing its job to deliver it to the different waypoints and signals within its circuit.

This is what happens with a thought. It just takes one. And if you charge it enough, the doors open and it steps onto the emotional subway. As a side note, this is just my perception. I don’t have a medical degree or have even studied emotional systems. This is just my life understandings and observations. So how do we not get on the train? Well, sometimes you need to. When it’s deeply important. We need to feel. It is what gives us dimension. At any time we can hop on. However, it might help to listen first and question why. If there is a clear answer, take some time to ride the track in a safe space and time. Maybe you need to feel grief, maybe there is unresolved anger. This “emotional subway” is there to serve you, so you can feel. Then, step off and let the subway car go. And maybe think about where are you now. Are you in a different emotional place? Have you found something new within yourself?