Creative Flow

For me, creative flow seems to be this elusive enigma that I have no control over and only appears when I've let go of any expectations of it. What I've found, is that with a little patience, practice and trust it will come; maybe not how you've expected it, but with value and meaning.

The name "Thread the Light" came to me from a dream. Several years ago, I woke up from a dream and  in it, I was being thread through the eye of a needle. I was light and in that moment I felt a great amount of fear and resistance. For several days after this dream, I drew what I thought represented this experience. In its simplest form, what you see as the logo for this site is the emblem for this experience & message. 

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When I looked up the phrase "thread the light", one of the first things that popped up was a song called "This Low", written by Glen Hansard & performed with Marketa Irglova. It is a beautiful haunting song that perfectly expresses (in my opinion) the message of embracing the light within ourselves, even when it feels diminished or broken.

I started to understand that what I experienced was not a new idea; it was a theme and clear message. As I said, it's been several years since this experience and I've gone through a lot, with the theme of fear and resistance repeating itself.

Having put my creative outlets on hold for about a year, I sat down with my thoughts recently and tried to dismantle some of the core beliefs and values that  trigger fears and resistance in my life. I'll write them here because I don't think I'm alone in these feelings, and whether we know it or not, our beliefs and values direct a lot of our lives, mine included. I'd also like to say that even though this is painful and hard to sit with, our experiences in life do not have to be a means to end. And although we can't change what happened we can change the perception of our experiences and seek to find a little solace, peace and gratitude for their place in our lives.

Back to creative flow for a moment - this is what this site's about ; ) as I mentioned above, it is an elusive creature. At its most fundamental nature, it demands a certain amount of surrender and honesty. An experienced creative will have tamed this flow a little and give it some parameters. It is a give-and-take, a trust and willingness.

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So, how do we get a little closer to this elusive beast? I don't know, but I think it has a little to do with being a willing receiver and a vital piece of that, is removing the blocks that limit your ability to receive. I think this is a good place to unpack what I discovered while reflecting on my fears and resistance.  Because, sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to be human. And for my own creative flow in particular, I've needed to recognize and acknowledge these recurring themes in my own life. And really examine what they mean to me.

I’m not saying that creative flow can’t happen unless you unpack all your emotions, or let out every skeleton in the closet, I’m just saying that the closer you can get to being comfortable with who you really are, the easier it is to invite it. 

Feeling Unwanted/Unloved. I’m sure we’ve all felt this. For me, it’s been a massive theme and obstacle in my life. It’s been the basis for life choices and my greatest teacher. I’m 46 years old as I write this and it’s taken me this long to understand that I really needed to find value in who I am intrinsically and love myself unconditionally, first. I am not perfect in this, but I am aware. 

Feeling Grief, Letting go:  When my mother died, it took me a long time to grieve. Not because I didn’t love her or miss her, but because I don’t think my heart was ready to accept it. I packed that little emotion up, set it on a shelf, and rode the waves of emotions that would pop up when I  least expected it. I see my mom in everything; in mountain poppies, and even in our dog’s ticklish toes. I haven’t let her go completely, she still resonates in my life and I see her impression every day. 

When it comes to loss and letting things go, this has been a struggle of mine. Letting things go, grieving loss. Holding on to relationships and beliefs that no longer serve my well-being. This isn’t easy and I’ve paid harsh prices for my unrelenting grip on them.  Letting things move through our lives without resistance and fear has been my lesson and again, certainly not perfect at this. But I can see the Fear/Resistance theme so present. For me, it takes daily centering to keep perspective in this.

Feeling heartache: Oh my heart. It is a wild, fierce thing. I haven’t always taken care of it, or considered its feelings when making decisions. The connection of the heart, mind, and body is important here. I’ll touch on these connections in later posts, but for now, when it comes to blocks in creative flow, this is a big one. Our hearts want to speak. It wants to express the world around us and in us. When we are in heartache, yes, creative expression can help let some of that angst release. However, what I think is even more important is actually listening to what your heartache is trying to say to you. For me, mine was saying - I am here, please value me, I am hurting, take care of me. We have pain for a reason and heartache is no different. When I feel my heart ping, I’m learning to listen.

Feeling Betrayal: I’ve been on both ends of this. It is the most unpleasant, fucked up thing to be a part of. When we put our faith and trust in others, we are putting a piece or a great amount of ourselves in another. This is important of course. We need this in society and relationships. The danger comes when we don’t give ourselves the faith and trust we give to others. I’m not saying, only have faith and trust in yourself as a lone soldier in an apocalyptic world, what I’m saying is, to give yourself the benefit of a doubt. When you have solid faith in yourself, the trust & faith you give to others can be neutral and dependent on their actions and has nothing to do with who you are and the amount of faith you have in yourself.

These feelings and recurring themes are just a few of the blocks and challenges I’ve faced. This may not relate to you, but if it does, I hope you know this is a daily practice, and sometimes moment to moment to re-frame a negative belief. But with practice and curiosity, the inner core of your self-beliefs and values become clearer and a new set of standards for your life and what you give permission to, changes.